I kept glancing at my watch today. Four more hours til' quitting time... two more... and when it was quitting time, I couldn't leave cause I had things to do. Left an hour after six. Humph.

Am now sitting in a smoky, dodgy cybercafe writing this on a Hyundai keyboard with sticky 'A' key. This guy who owns it must really love Coldplay. I've been frequenting this place for more than 10 times and he keeps playing the same Coldplay DVD. Plus "Are You Gonna Be My Girl"- thrice in an hour. I like it.

I went to Friendster earlier and someone was already logged on. Someone very narrow-minded and religiously intolerant. It made me catch my breath just thinking that I was sitting in the same chair he sat on not too long ago. Many, many crude/downright filthy anti-Semitic, chauvanist statements that made me slightly sick. It was sooo tempting to edit his profile and replace his hate-filled statements with "I Am Stupid" (only in a more cussed way). And I almost did- I clicked onto his "Edit Profile" page and stared at th' blinking cursor for a very long time.

My thoughts ranged from- "People have rights to their own opinions" to "Someone should just rid the world of *bleeping* people like these". But my initial flash of fear and disgust gave way to, oddly enough, compassion. Here was a confused person who probably was raised/taught to be hateful. Maybe he is scared, or just- i don't know, unloved? Insecure? He seems to be well-loved by his similarly foul-mouth friends... plus he's definitely loved by God. Jesus died for him too. Heh- can you imagine what he'd say if he found out that the King of Jews died for his sins?

Ah- I'm turning out to be more mellow in my old age. Was a time when I'd track him down (e-mail, online activity) and just malign him and make him lose all his friends in the process. _takes deep breath_ grace, grace.... *sigh*. I have intolerance for intolerance. Irony, contradictory, whatever-you-call it. Hmm. Guess I'll be praying for him instead. Him and other people who use words like "gay jewboy" and "towelhead *bleepers*". Ooh, and mail him a Youth Service invitation.

Instead of a virus.

The Difference Between A 'Date', 'Dating' And 'Relationship'.
(Brought to you by Grac's compulsive need to label and simplify everything. Also co-sponsored by Grac's need to assuage her guilt for being blur and obtuse)

I'm seriously reconsidering celibacy for life. Who needs a mate? Society's need to see every aging woman to a man is too conformist for me. Plus, hypothetically, I'd get scared silly everytime someone asks me to be their girlfriend after one date (I totally hypothetically did not know it was a date until I was hypothetically told). Okay, so this happened hypothetically to me only once, but seriously guys- get the handbook. Well, if there isn't a handbook there really should be one.

Its simple really (simplify!). Pay attention.

A date is a singular event when two people go out. They are not obligated to 'date' again. They can, however, go on 'dates' with other people in the meantime.

Dating is, a series of dates. i.e.- two or more dates in a row within a reasonable period of time (five dates in a week is practically matrimony). Depending on the parties involved, you may or may not be allowed to date other people during this period.

And a relationship happens when both parties agree mutually (don't mind my redundancy) that they are launching off into the deep end of exclusivity and will monogamously date each other till something unforseen happens- like amnesia, or a kidnapping... or migration without leaving a forwarding address.

You just don't send someone an SMS in the middle of an exam season and say "Are you technically my girlfriend now?" It wreaks havoc and causes amnesia or a sudden need to migrate without leaving a forwarding address.

Hypothetically, of course.

Yay! Holidays are coming up. Going to camp... which Ange is not going to. (gruk glares sullenly at the general direction of TARC) I'm pretty psyched tho'. Seems like a good way to escape for a while... I've been wanting that since last year.

Holidays are coming up and the stress is increasing. I don't really see why people love th' hols so much. I tolerate it, though I can't say I like the tension that seems to accompany it. Mother gets awfully pissed about something or other while Married Brother and Wife does a dangerous dance with certain death trying to juggle between both families- his and hers. My mom is naturally unrelenting, wanting my bro to stay home. He, on the other hand wants nothing more than to make everyone happy whilst trying not to give in too much. They relent at last and get awfully unhappy and discomfited. Mother pretends to be satisfied with whatever arrangement they've cooked up (she really isn't)- and end up terrorizing the household. Everyone treads on eggshells until the hols are over. We start breathing again on the 29th. Take that down on your calenders. I'll be holding my breath til then. (Yup, and this is as close to how I'd get to bitching about my obviously dysfunctional family events)

Thank God for camp! Freedom!

Merry Christmas, all.

eurgh. monday blues... for some reason, th' weekend didn't seem complete. hmm.

got into my 'new job' today. its th' old one, but they've 'upgraded' me from SuperTemp!Grac to Receptionist/Telemarketer/SCC Supervisor/Data Entry Dude!Grac. Basically the same thing I've been doing the past six months except now I'm doing receptionist duties as well. I don't get paid enough. it's blah, but its a job. I don't much care what I do now, as long as it doesn't interfere with college. At least it seems 'permanant'- which means I don't have to worry about scrambling for another job to pay for my lifestyle expenses. contentment, complacency. ahh.

read ange's blog- she mentioned something about what she would do with her life and it got me thinking. i try not to think about the fact that i'm presently "doing nothing with my life". if i were to really sit down and evaluate, my main thought would be- "is this all that is?" Dissatisfaction sets in and I just get freaked for a split second. Optimistically, I'm in a 'phase' where my dreams are not yet realised. Maybe one day, after my studies, I'll be a Superstar and be Successful. But that's all just bullshit. Reality is this- if I don't get moving NOW- I'll still be where I am despite having several degrees.

I know all this with my head, I know it also with my heart. Why aren't I doing anything about it?

this is for ange who thinks i don't already have a blog

yes nee, i'm humouring you. but there's no way in living heck i'd tell you where the other one is... although amongst all our mutual friends, you'd be the only one who would be able to find out. and rox, but she'd be too lazy to go search.

so... first blog. very important to set tone for entire weblog- not. me is too darned lazy to even try to promise to update as frequently as i can. i have like 7 other weblogs which suffer the same fate of abandonment. will write down thoughts when i feel like it then