Gotta Be Me...

Had my picture taken today, horrible as usual. This kinda makes me wonder... why aren't we satisfied with ourselves?

Ever played 'Anywhere But Here'? Or 'Anything But This'? Someone once asked me what I wanted to be, y'know... if I weren't myself. The obvious answer is "Rambutan tree"- any fool can see that. But she glared menacingly, so I entertained her with images of cerulean green eyes, long raven hair, six-feet of 36-24-30 in heels and living in a three-storey Beverly Hills mansion with a dashing young gentleman and his purebred Golden Retriever. Now that I think about it, I realize that I was actually a FHM centrefold living in a 'Lifestyles' feature. Oh... did I mention my 6-figure income as CIO of a high-profile data network company? Hellllooo--- Fortune cover story. Anyway, my aforementioned friend had the good graces to blink twice before launching into a uber-vision/version of herself.

"MR LELY, I DESIRE YOU WOULD USE ALL YOUR SKILL TO PAINT YOUR PICTURE TRULY LIKE ME, AND NOT FLATTER ME AT ALL; BUT REMARK ALL THESE ROUGHNESS, PIMPLES, WARTS, AND EVERYTHING AS YOU SEE ME; OTHERWISE I WILL NEVER PAY A FARTHING FOR IT."
~Cromwell on having his portrait painted, in Horace Walpole, Anecdotes of Painting.

I love the quote above... how many people can say that their completely satisfied with themselves. Oh sure, I tell people I wouldn't change a thing about myself while checking out my accursed nose in the privacy of my room. I truly admire people who are confident in their own skins- knowing that they are capable and loved just as they are.

I'm a realist, while I don't expect to be picture perfect, it would be good to have pictures where I don't seem like I'm smirking at the establishment. Now with modern technology, one can 'touch-up' their photographs. Maybe a little concealing here or some smoothening out there... just a little, to look good. I guess I am guilty of such- well, it was a free service. Not that there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best and being pretty but somehow, I'd like to look at my pictures and see the same thing I see in the mirror.

I constantly check myself when chatting up people in a formal social event. "Am I talking too much? Is this an appropriate topic of conversation? What the hell is he talking about?" Of course, not to mention the ever-distracting "Do I have something between my teeth? Is my hair on straight? Why is he staring at my chest? Myhosehasarunmyhosehasarun- *-* does my pantyline show?" I guess it's time to stop it, huh?

Looking at my life so far, it's safe to say that I've been blessed with a relatively normal childhood and excellent friends. I have friends that come to my house and don't bat an eye at me in my ratty houseclothes and unshaven legs. My Mom's been pretty cool about how I dress and how I refuse to have my hair cut sometimes. (I'm guessing she'll shave it all off when she can't stand it ) Why do I worry about how I portray myself to public when the people that really counts in my life loves me for who I am? I'm comfortable, confident and totally cool- who cares what I look like?

Like Garfield, I suppose I should say "I gotta be me!" Or James Brown, the classic success story of pauper to 'Godfather of Soul'--- I FEEL GOOD!!